Tough Days 8/27/2016

The last couple of days have been hard. I wasn’t able to work out on Thursday due to fatigue and joint pain. When I did work out on Friday I wasn’t able to lift as much weights as I would like, and I wasn’t able do it for as long as I normally do. All due to stomach cramps and chest pain. It’s always something. But, at least I was able to go!

I was able to go to all of my classes this week as well, and haven’t missed a homework assignment. My bullet journal has really helped keep my on top of what I have to do. I write the assignments for each class in a different color. That way it is more colorful, and I have less writing to do.

I have had stomach pain for the past few days, but I just try to make sure that I eat at least something for every meal. Today I have had a pain in my left calf. I have tried stretching and massaging, but it just keeps coming back. It’s just POTS way of letting you know that its there.

Took it pretty slow today. Just reading and playing video games with friends. Tomorrow I will try to make a dent in the home work I have for the upcoming week. I always try to be at least an assignment ahead in all of my classes, just in case I get sick and have to take a day off I won’t fall too far behind.

Today wasn’t so fun with being stuck inside on a nice day, but at least I made a dent in my book, and got to spend time with friends! Trying to keep positive!

 

~Maddie

Starting Classes…Again 8/24/2016

School started last Monday, scary. It has been good to get back to doing productive things. It feels good to be productive. And I only have to go up two flights of stairs for all of my classes! That is awesome!

Haven’t had any trouble getting to my classes, though today I was sitting in my social psychology class and it was like someone put their hands around my throat. It was hard to breath and I had about twenty minutes of shallow breathing, and trying not to puke. Managed to take notes though! The skills that POTS gives you.

Our house got a big TV for free and two of my friends brought down their game stations and we put them together so that we can play more multi-player games. So far every night we have all sat in the living room watching and playing video games. I have never been obsessed with them, but it has been a fun pastime!

Lately I have been struggling with having people understand that I really am sick, or they don’t think I am as sick as I really am. When I say something about being sick or a consequence that it causes most people assume that I am exaggerating, or if I worked hard enough I could overcome it. I just have to get to the point where I don’t care about what other people think. I’ll get there eventually.

For the people that do get it it is nice for them to be like “How do you even function?” I ask myself that a lot. I guess I just know what I have to get done and will do whatever it takes to get it done. I may do it a little differently, but it will get done!

Surround yourself with people who get it, but will push you.

 

~Maddie

Living Away From Home

I am a junior in college. A college that just happens to be 1,192.4 miles away from my family. I chose to go far away for school, in fact I didn’t apply to any schools in my home state. I wanted to try and be on my own.

I have always found it easy to be independent, to think for myself. This being said, being on your own, in a place where you know no one, can come with it’s challenges.

In my first semester I kept to myself mostly. Yes, I made friends, but I was shy and preferred my own company, rather than theirs.

Second semester I tried to be more outgoing. To make connections with people. It was that semester that I came to be close with my little group of friends.  I ended up leasing a house with them starting this summer. I have never been a very outgoing person, but forcing myself to be around people more gave me the best group of friends I have ever had.

I miss my family every day though. I try to call my grandmother at least every other day, and I text and call my mom at least every day. Being away from my little brother and dog is by far the hardest, and when I am home I try to fit in as much time with them as I can.

When I am home my family treats me like they haven’t seen me in years. They make the food I like, and do the things I want to do, that is until the novelty wears off after a few days and it’s back to normal, like I was never away.

When it comes time for me to leave again it is always hard. I try to focus on the fact that I am becoming more independent, and when I’m away, every decision is up to me. For me, that is an exciting thought.

My advice for anyone moving away from home, either for college or some other reason, is to make friends. Surround your self with people who make you happy. Also, try and keep in touch with family. That will help you feel like you are still a part of their lives, and you theirs.

Family, like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions yet our roots remain as one.

 

~Maddie

Long Distance Friendship

I met my best friend through a mutual friend in eighth grade. We became really close, and throughout high school we were each others emotional support. We tried to do everything we could together and spent all of our free time at school together.

When it came to choosing colleges, we never really talked to each other where we were going to go.  I went to Missouri and she moved to Florida. It was hard to say goodbye of course, and that first summer apart was hard.

We talk all the time, either over text or Skype. It is the fast that we keep in almost constant contact that we are still such good friends. We still go to each other to talk about our problems, and the good things that happen in out lives.

That’s how I know that our friendship will last, even though we are so far away, we are still the first person that we go to.

We have seen each other 3 times over the two years, and counting, of living in different states.  When we are together, it’s like nothing has changed, no time has passed. We still enjoy each other’s company. It is hard to be apart, to see each other making new friends, moving on in life without the other, but we will always be there for each other, and that is what matters.

It is because we refuse to let go that we are so close. Don’t let go of something that is of value, and it will always be there.

 

~Maddie

Changing Majors

At the end of last semester I made the decision to change my major from ceramic engineering to psychological science. This was a tough decision, because I have always seen myself as an engineer, and being anything else struck me as a failure. It has taken me a while to see that change can be good, and that I am not failing just because I need the change. I did not chose this major because I thought it was easy, I chose it because I wasn’t interested in ceramics anymore, and I wanted to do something that I could excel at.

I go to a school where the majority of students are engineering majors, so, I went from being in the majority, to being in the minority. The two major things that helped me through this where that a lot of my friends where changing majors as well, along with my boyfriend who is going to the same school for computer science. He has been very supportive throughout the whole decision making process, and has always made me feel that whatever decision I make I am making the right one.

Change can be hard.

Another thing that was hard about this change was the reactions I got from people. Telling people that I am in school for ceramic engineering is met with a sense of aw and misunderstanding. I enjoyed explaining to people what my degree meant and what I was going to do with it. I am scared for the reactions that I will get when I tell others what my major is now, not because the responses will be negative, but because I don’t think I will be able to handle them just yet. One day I will get there.

This is what is best for me.

And that’s all that matters.

 

~Maddie