I have always been bad at expressing my emotions. I never learned how to work through them so they don’t eat me alive. I have worked through various bad coping mechanisms, but what I found works best for me is music.
If I am sad and don’t want to deal with the world, I put my headphones in and blast music. That way I am focusing on the music and not what is making me sad, or that I have no idea why I am sad. I used to play depressing music when I was sad, to help me feel the sadness, because for some reason I thought I deserved it. Now I play uplifting music when I am sad. This helps me realize what is good about my life, what I am doing well. It helps me remember that the sadness will pass, and it doesn’t encompass my life anymore.
When I don’t know what I am feeling I look through YouTube and Pandora until I find a song that seems to fit what I am feeling. It is easier for me to decipher what the song is feeling than it is for me to be like “Oh! I’m frustrated!” Doing this also helps me feel the feelings, rather than stuffing them down until they explode.
I was raised around music. I started playing violin when I was three, and at home music is always playing, so it seems natural that I use it to cope.
I didn’t realize that this was how I was coping until one day I was doing chores and feeling sad, for no reason, and had my headphones in. My boyfriend was asking me if I was upset, he thought I was because he realized that I always put them in when I am upset. It is nice to know that people care.